Karina experience story (name changed)
I was a very independent woman, I had a very good job, salary and my own apartment in a small town. My partner was also a very successful entrepreneur. Soon after we met, I moved to Tallinn, and we started living together.
We started a family quite quickly – a year after we met, I became pregnant. He was officially on parental leave and received all family allowances, although I was home with the baby. Officially, I had no income.
We established together an awesome niche company. I started building my career to not let anyone else decide on my finances. I grew the company into a well-known enterprise in Estonia.
Unfortunately, after the birth of the third child, the relationship started to deteriorate. I was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery. He didn’t support me even when my life was hanging. A year later I wanted to divorce.
What started out as a very amicable divorce quickly turned into a nightmare. He was left with the house where we all lived together. We agreed that he would buy a new home for the kids and me, and by allowing us to live there until the kids finished school, he wouldn't have to pay alimony.
I had no kindergarten place for the youngest or parental allowance, money was scarce. Children were living 75% of the time with me, so I asked the Social Insurance Board to assign the family allowances to me. Once it was done, the real hell and terror started.
He dismissed me from the board member position in our joint company. Since I wasn't officially the founder, he left me nothing. He also refused to split the children's daily expenses in half. He secretly installed cameras in our home and watched our every move. He hacked into my social media accounts and stalked. He also threatened to take the kids away from me.
Constant money worries, manipulation and threats ended with deep depression. I was shaking and crying inconsolably until I was sent to the psychiatric emergency department. After several months of treatment, the appetite and joy of life returned. Until the moment when he started presenting me monthly rent bills of 1200-1300 euros.
I wanted to move to my hometown but he did not allow me. I couldn't pay him rent or find a new apartment, so he forced me to leave my children. This realization that I have to give up my children – that's what this man wanted, to drive me into a corner both financially and mentally, ended with a suicide attempt.
Long mental and economic violence makes a person so broken from the inside. I couldn't stand the idea that I was suddenly cut out of their lives. I started to fight again. I am hopeful that one day the situation will be resolved and I will be free. I can once again enjoy life with my children.
Dealing with difficult situations is much easier when you are not alone. If you seek help or need any support, please connect to support helplines of Social Insurance Board:
- helpline for victims of violence: 116 006 (24/7). The victim support crisis helpline offers support and being heard if you have experienced violence, loss, found yourself in a traumatic situation or it has happened to a loved one or acquaintance. Crisis helpline counselors listen, share information about help options and, if necessary, connect you with the right specialists.
- helpline for emotional and psychological support: 116 123 (every day 10:00 – 24:00).
- helpline for children support: 116 111 (24/7).
- counseling line of the Social Insurance Board for giving up violence: 660 6077 (working days 10:00 – 16:00).
More information on awareness of domestic violence: www.palunabi.ee and www.sotsiaalkindlustusamet.ee.